A New Cost Structure for Six Flags

Following up on my previous experience at Six Flags in New England, Great Adventure has gone down the toilet too.

I should work for Six Flags. I have some ideas how they can make more money.

  • Parking will now be $50 per car. Because why not.
  • Admission will be $150 per person. If you don’t like it, go to the rides at the Jersey Shore. Oh right those are in the ocean. Sucks to be you.
  • In addition to not allowing outside food and beverages, no outside clothing either. Baggage check will be provided and you may purchase a Six Flags Approved outfit on the way in. Baggage check will be $20 per person.
  • Flash Pass will now be required for all rides. You can upgrade your Flash Pass upgrade to Flash Pass ultra-premium for just $130 per person to avoid the mandatory 4 hours lines of the regular Flash Pass. Line cutters will be ejected from the park without refund ($200 line cutter pass available).
  • You may purchase a $30 upgrade to Bathroom+ where you get to use the clean bathrooms. Soap will not be provided in the regular bathrooms. No outside soap allowed.
  • All water fountains will be removed and the water from them will instead be used to further water down the sodas. We will charge an additional $2 per soda for this service.
  • All rides will be staffed by 6 year olds being paid $5 per day. Scratch that, $5 per month.
  • You may purchase a FoodPass pass for $30 to have food that is not yet past its expiration date.
  • A $10 per person sitting fee will be charged to use the park benches. You may pay an additional $5 to extend your sitting beyond 30 minutes.
  • Outside cameras will no longer be permitted. You may rent a camera for $25 per day. Pictures are $3.50 each. No refunds for blurry shots.
  • Guests wishing to stand in the shade may purchase a ShadePass for $50 per person. Upgrade to ShadePass+ for just $60 for use of air conditioning (limit 15 minutes per day).
  • Six Flags reserves the right to change these prices at any time, including after you paid them. Violators will be sent to debtors prison.
A New Cost Structure for Six Flags was last updated September 6th, 2015 by Michael Truskowski