Bizarro Theme Park – Six Flags New England

Six Flags New England has two of the best roller coasters in the world, Bizarro and Wicked Cyclone. That is pretty much all the good I can say about this park. Otherwise Six Flags New England is the second worst amusement park I have ever been to (Darien Lake is still worse, but I have not been there since 1998, so maybe they turned it around). The good rides cannot overcome the poison, guest hostile atmosphere, nickel and dime policies, and absolutely atrocious park operations.

Things went south the moment we arrived. The main parking lot was already full. But the second parking lot was coned off. There were no employees on hand to help direct traffic. The parking lot was gridlocked with drivers going in circles trying to figure out where to go. Finally someone on the staff came out and opened the second lot, but then held us in the first one while waving cars that had just arrived through. Thanks for screwing us twice. It took 20 minutes to park.

Then we bought our ticket. The employee who sold us the ticket seemed genuinely confused by what were wanted. I said “two adults” and her response was, and I am not kidding, “For what?”. Is this some kind of Bizarro theme park? What else would I be buying at a ticket booth?

We managed to get in and on Wicked Cyclone easily. And it was amazing. The trip was worth it for that ride. Then we got in line for Bizarro. The line was fairly short. It should have taken 20 minutes at worst. It took over an hour. This is when we discovered the true horror of Six Flags New England. This park has the slowest, most dysfunctional ride operations I have ever witnessed. Everything takes twice what it does at other parks. Even Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey (New Jersey!) is run better than this. I don’t think I saw a single supervisor, or even anyone over the age of 20, for the entire day.

But it gets so much worse. If you had the audacity to not pay extra for the Flash Pass, you will be punished. The Bizarro line moved so slowly in large part because almost no one from the line was let in to the station. Flash Pass riders are given absolute priority, no matter how many there are. We payed over $60 per ticket, but because we didn’t pay even more, we were forced to stand around for hours with little movement while we could watch people waltz on again and again and again. It was infuriating. I had trouble enjoying the ride when we finally got on.

The way this park treats its paying guests is shameful. I know everyone does skip the line options now, but they are usually either free and fair (Disney) or at least well run and with reasonable limits for use (Cedar Fair). Six Flags is using it as a pure cash grab. If you do not pay the ransom, they will make sure your day is horrible.

Then we got lunch. Again, theme park food is usually overpriced, but two burgers with fries and a coke cost us almost $50. And despite having a self service drink station, I was yelled at, yes YELLED at, that there were no refills. On a $5 regular sized drink. The food is beyond terrible. The McDonalds $1 menu feels like gourmet cooking compared to this. Our burger was cold, the bacon was soggy, the patty was barely recognizable as meat. I thought the guy in front of me complaining about it was just a hothead until I got my own food. And I discovered he was completely right. The employee didn’t care.

Oh yes, get used to being yelled at by staff in this park. I felt like I was back in kindergarten here. No refills, no waiting for the front, no photos, no fun of any kind allowed (perhaps I should have bought the $50 “allowed to have a good time” pass too?). The staff ranges from lethargic to downright hostile. There is a definite mall cop mentality going on here, with pretty much no adult presence to make sure they are doing a good job. It sure must be cheap though!

We got out of line at The Dark Knight after standing there for 20 minutes and moving less than one trains length in the line. Because, you guessed it, there were a lot of Flash Pass people to get through. We rode Mind Eraser, which feels like it is about to come apart at the seems, then got in line at Goliath. Oh my god Goliath. It took an hour to get half way through the line. Because, say it with me, Flash Pass got priority. There were times when one single group from the standard line got let through. One!

We got in the single line just to get it over with. It broke down three times while we were in there. Despite a single line, trains went though with empty seats. The employees working this ride appeared to be in a daze. It took an hour and a half. We were done.

We did Wicked Cyclone one more time. Got yelled at that we couldn’t choose our seats of course. Can you even try to accommodate what is a pretty standard guest request? Why are you so hostile to your customers?

We had had enough. Five rides. That is what a 3 hour drive from NYC and $65 per person admission got us. We will never come back to this place. The management at this park should be ashamed of themselves. How dare you charge what you do and treat people this way?

I was so angry when I left that I actually stopped at guest relations to complain. The response was to send an email. Which I am. But I am sure all I will get is a form email “thanking me for my feedback”. It won’t get better, nothing will change. And when attendance drops because of it, the response will be to add more up charges. And the cycle will continue.

Do no go here, I cannot stress this enough. You will leave angry, upset, and broke. Go to a Cedar Fair park, which at least has decent management. Go to an independent park like Hersheypark or Knoebels. They care about their guests. Go to Disney, which prides itself on its customer service. Hell go to Great Adventure even. But the New England property needs to be put out of its misery and sold for parts.

Bizarro Theme Park – Six Flags New England was last updated August 2nd, 2015 by Michael Truskowski