Florida Should Just Make Voting Illegal

Oh Florida. Florida, Florida, Florida. If you did not have Walt Disney World within your borders I would probably avoid you like smallpox. Because six plus hour lines and draconian registration policies are not enough to deter the poor, minorities, evil fraud demons from the polls, Miami-Dade County has just taken the gold in the Screw You Voters olympics.

Earlier this year, the Miami-Dade County Elections Department quietly implemented a policy to close the bathrooms at all polling facilities, according to disability rights lawyer Marc Dubin. Dubin said the policy change was in “direct response” to an inquiry to the Elections Department about whether they had assessed accessibility of polling place bathrooms to those with disabilities.

Yeah that makes sense. Rather than rationally address the issue, just shut all the restrooms for everyone. Hope you can hold it for nearly the length of a work day if you plan to vote! Seriously, when did we give angry six year olds this much power?

Here is an idea Florida, why not just build a life sized recreation of Super Mario Brothers and force all potential voters to run the course. If you make it to the end before time runs out, falling in a bottomless pit, burned by fire, whacked by a goomba, or hit by a rebounding koopa shell, you get to vote. Seriously, you are heading in this direction anyway.

Thank you voter. But your polling place is in another castle.
Warp pipes available in wealthy communities only.
Florida Should Just Make Voting Illegal was last updated April 15th, 2014 by Michael Truskowski